Movin on up . . . or out . . . or on . . . or I don't know what I mean!?

We are no longer living in Iowa. After weeks, or should I say years, of preparation, we are onto new things. WE loaded up our things, fueled up the vehicles and headed out. Our trek took us to Cheyenne Wyoming first, then on to Idaho. Then, a week later, we are in Washington. This is to be our final resting place for the next four months. Bryce is officially a 4th year Med Student now and he is on to his "rotations" now. It is quite the confusing and drawn out process, but I will attempt to explain without leaving you all dazed and confused.

*BIG BREATH*

We spend the next four months in Tacoma Washington. Bryce will work @ Tacoma Multi-Care while trying to learn as much as he can and get on the resident directors good side:). I have no clue what I am going to do, but I will at the very least be here as a support for my overworked and often stressed husband. I will probably get a job part time and then visit my sister in Bellevue as much as possible. We are living in quite the little apt, but it is much nicer than I expected and it is definitely livable for 4 months.

THEN - the next part is the tricky one so follow closely. Byrce heads off to do a series of 4 week rotations at different establishments all over. He heads to Colorada, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, then at last he lands in Idaho where he will spend the remainder of the year. Then, HOPEFULLY, onto graduation next May. And stuck in there somewhere is the dreaded Part II boards test. So he will have to work like a dog and study for this MUST PASS test so he can become Dr. Jolley FINALLY! THEN . . . I know it just keeps going on and on, he has a three year residency. We don't know where that will be, but it will be somewhere he has rotated in the past year. And, the way that the residents are chosen is way over my head and I dont understand it at all so I won't even delve into that.

Some of you may be thinking, WHAT is dear little Natali going to be doing this whole time while her husband is out doctoring the world. Well, that is yet to be decided, but in Sept. I head back to Idaho to finish up some loose ends at school. I have always regretted not being able to finish completely so I am taking advantage of this time to do so. I am pretty nervous about it, but it should be good. I really haven't decided WHICH education I am going to pursue yet, but it will have something to do with Pre-school education. Whether I attend BYU-I or not, is still up for debate. I am considering Montessori training as well. So, if anyone has any suggestions about that decision please feel free to lay them on me. I have to decide by Thursday, because that is when I register for classes if I will attend my old faithful BYU-I.

So, here is to a year of change and learning. I am already feeling the strain and it has only been a short few weeks. I am determined to be strong and keep a positive attitude. I may need some good boosts of support from all my family and friends to keep my afloat, but I know that I can do it. Bryce is the real trooper in this saga of our lives. I can't being to explain my admiration for this man who choose me to be his wife. He has be nothing be brave and strong through ALL of it. From day one, he has put his chest out and got straight to business. He does so well in every endeavour he starts. He works so hard and he hardly ever complains. He is going to have a long, crazy year ahead of him and I hope that I can help him as much as I can. And, to all you who are about to embark upon the same journey this year . . . GOOD LUCK. Especially to my friends Becca, Shauni, Megan, and Aunna. You will all be in my prayers and I can't wait to see you again next May! HERE WE GO!

OH GLORIOUS FLAMES!

MY FAVORITE THING! I love to make a good bonfire. I love to roast hotdogs and marshmallows over the flames and cook tinfoil dinners in the coals. I love coming home and smelling like a campfire. I love all of it so much, especially when it is a perfect spring night!

Bryce and I are moving and we had this old, junky dresser that we couldn't get ride of. So, I decided that we needed to burn it! There was a nice pallet out by our dumpster than also needed burning so it was just our duty to do this. I wanted to break the dresser into pieces before we burnt it, but the boys had other plans. They just stuck the whole thing on top of the fire and watched it get engulfed with flames. I'll admit that once the fire got this huge, I was pretty nervous, but it was really neat.

This picture reminds me of the poem my Dad quotes. Sam Mcgee has asked to be cremated in the frosty arctic. His friend goes to see how the whole "process" is going. He opens to door to see Sam relaxing and enjoying the flames surrounding him. "PLEASE SHUT THAT DOOR! It's nice in here, but I dreafully fear you'll let in the cold and storm. Since I left Plumtree down in Tennessee, this's the first time I've been warm." I could just imagine Sam Mcgee lounging in the flames, basking in the heat. It was very therapeautic to see these flames after so long a winter. I guess I have a little bit of Sam in me too!

Here i am getting too close to the fire with my long stick. Bryce was pretty nervous about how adacious I was around the fire. I guess he hasn't done this with me enough. I did get burned, but just a little and it was totally worth it.

Our friends Nate and Mary Jones came to enjoy the fire with us. Here is Mary in the background also enjoying the blaze.

And this video shows how fast the little dresser was engulfed in flames then tumbled to the ground. It was really cool, but a little frightening. Nate is videoing this and we are all just talking nonsense, don't try to make sense out of it. ENJOY!

And it begins . . . Again.

Insomnia. I crave sleep. I need sleep. I LOVE TO SLEEP. But inside this head is a jumble of thoughts, lists, feelings, guilts, and stuffs. I have never been known as a logical person. No, I am an emotional person. I live by my emotions and logic and sense have so very little to do with what... I do. I have always been able to love quickly, and cry easily. These are traits of mine that I have tried to suppress and hide my whole life. I have tried holding my breath when I feel that tightness in my throat that, wettness pool at the brim of my eyes. That generally leads to an embarassing outburts of breath with an overly pent-up sob following. So, needless to say that holding your breath does little to hold back tears. I have tried looking up at the ceiling to help the tears melt back into the eye sockets. I always think this will work. I always imagine that when I put my face back down that the tears will have dissapeared back to where they originated. Does this work? You guess. Yup, it sure doesn't. I've tried the ever classic close the eyes real tight routine in hopes that it that may jail up the ever flowing rascals. No cell can hold back my tears, they always find a way to break through the tight lids of their prison. Now, love quickly . . . I've gotten better at this. Sadly. Yes, very sadly.
Like most, but few admit to, I want to be accepted and liked by those I know. I have always craved the spotlight. I blame this on my parents. They raised me to be a performer. I don't just perform music, I perform to whomever I am with. I love to make others laugh, though I am far from clever or witty. Silly and ridiculous, yes. But, not witty. I always thought myself a person that one could easily like. Unfortunately, I am not always liked by each and every person I come in contact with. Now, given my sensitive nature, I always feel this unliking. I feel it so deeply and I hurt so much because of it. Even if it may be only an idea or trait of mine that someone dislikes, I still feel it greatly. I have been told since I was little that I shouldn't be so sensitive. But, alas, I cannot shake this from me. I take things to heart, and those "things" tend to wound it. After years, (and I do admit I don't have too many to my credit but I believe I still have enough to credit the time I have lived as "years"), I have found that the best way to avoid being wounded by the "things" of those around me is to seclude myself from them.
Im sorry if I may not be making perfect sense, but it is late...you dont have to read this if you feel I talking nonsense.
I moved a few times when I was a teenager. I moved once when I was thirteen, and then again at 16, and of course again at 18 when I left for college. I thought my life would end, as many dramatic, emotional teenagers would in my same situation. But, each time it worked out. I sure made a fuss and shed my share of undeserved tears, but in the end, I was fine. And, some might say I am now stronger. Perhaps, it may be a stretch though, even wiser because of it. One thing I did learn, or so I thought, was how to make new friends. Given my need to be liked, and my knack for performance, I generally fared pretty well when on the prowl for friends. I was even lucky enough to pass through my LONG lasting akward phase and score a boyfriend or two in the scheme of things. I tried my best to ice down the wounds that followed when I discovered someone didn't like me. I guess my teenage shallowness helped, because I think I remember fewer wounds from those years. Then, as life moved on, as it generally tends to do, came the goodbyes and the tears. The long embraces and the promises exchanged to always stay in touch. BFF right. And then . . . the wounding.
I suppose I disliked this saying goodbye and I disliked the hurt so much that I decided I was done with it. I think I really put myself out of touch after a couple years of college. In short, to spare you the pittifull details, I found myself quite lonely. Blessedly, I still had some wonderful friends, and my perfect family, who helped me. I slowly became the person I was before. I dared to open myself up to others, to withstand the dislike so I may be joyful in the love shared between people. This is when I met my husband. No one in the world has made my happy like he does. No one in the world has made me feel love like he. No one has made me hurt like he does. I still cry too easily and take too much to heart. But, it is who I am. Take me with my tears and sensitivity, or leave me. And he took me. And he still does. Everyday. He takes me the way I am and loves me.
I realize this statement is far from original and has been overused to the point that it may be sickening. But, I sure am happy for it. I am happy that it is the way it is. I dont have to perform and hope that he will like me for me. I already know that he does. We all take the ones in our lives and love them with their weaknesses. How else would we ever be loved by one another. A lesson hard learned. In the wise, but cheesy, words of Michael Mclean "I can't please everyone. I know, because I've tried. I told myself I could and then found out I lied. So many times we live and learn. And then we truly see. That I can't please anyone, until I'm pleased with me."
So, here is this lengthy blog post from an emotional lover, who is grateful to be taken the way she is.
Goodnight to all.

Happy Mothers Day Celinda 09

Happy Mothers Day Lori 09