Heartburn Kills

For the past year or so I have been getting heartburn. And this isn't just any regular old heartburn. This is so painful I have to call it "kill me now" heartburn. There have been several times I thought that my chest was going to rip open and explode with pain. I have often wanted to be taken to the emergency room because it hurt so bad. Now, you are probably thinking right now that I am exaggerating right? Wrong, I am 100% serious. The worst thing about this heartburn is that nothing touches it. TUMS, no! Rolaids, n0! Pepto, no! Mylanta, no! And all of these are the "extra strength" kind. Extra strength my big toe, they don't even make me feel better in the slightest. Sometimes they make me feel more sick because they taste so gross and leave me feeling like I just swallowed a bowl of flavored chalk. Also, this heartburn only happens at night, right before I go to bed. So I feel it coming on, take some medicine (that doesn't help), and wait for the pain to begin. And I often awake in the wee small hours of the morning just hurting dreadfully.

Since the silly chalk medicines didn't seem to be working for my particular case of heartburn, I have sought out home grown remedies. I searched on the internet, while in pain, what remedies others have used that worked. So I swallowed straight apple cider vinegar, didn't work. It made me gag and almost let it all go. I wanted to cry after this attempt to make myself feel better. Then I chugged down a lovely baking soda and water mixture. Not much better than the vinegar. Fizzier, but not much better in taste. Still no results. So, I swallowed ice cold water by the gallons. Not even a smiggen of relief. Plus, it made me have to pee every two minutes. Then came the milk, and the wierd positions I was supossed to lay in to make the "flow" go down. I have taken nice hott showers @ 3:00 in the morning that consist of my laying on the floor of the shower crying and praying for it to just go away. A shower is usually my cure all, and even that didn't do anything.

Usually the symptoms last for about 6 hours or so. All the way through my sleepy time. The shortest has been a nice 2 hour stint. However, one night while I was in Idaho at my in-laws over the summer, it lasted a good 8 hours or more. This was one of the times I begged Bryce to take me to the hospital because I hurt so bad. After it is over, I am usually so tired that I sleep most the day away. Luckily, I am also so exhausted as to forget the lovely pain and go out a few weeks later and order a nice greasy hamburger for dinner. Oh how I love a good hamburger. Almost nothing appeals to me more. (now I did say almost nothing:) So, curse my poor memory and my dreadful love for that delicious american pastime called the burger and fries. Curse you Red Robin for having such delicious burgers that call my name in the quiet hours of the afternoon. Curse you deep fried potatoes, cut "french style, for being so scrumptious. Curses to you all.

This story does have a happy ending. I will get to it shortly.

Of course, the clear cut answer to my woes is to stop the train of grease that is going down my throat. I have tried this avenue, but you remember my memory loss and my love for food. It hinders me. Oh, it hinders me greatly. So, I called on the only person I know that has frequent heartburn (other than pregnant women) that might be able to offer me a solution. My big brother BEN! So, after my horrible battle with this monster in Idaho (which I formentioned), I could take it no longer. I called my brother as a last resort and asked him what I should do. He suggested some of the chalk remedies that I told him didn't work. Then he told me of something that changed my life. Zantac! Yes, you have all heard of it and I had do. So, why oh why, in all my pain and midnight runs to the drug store did I not think to use this? Beats me cookie lee! That very day I went and bought myself the strongest doseage you can buy without a perscirption. I knew that my heartburn was just waiting to return and I was one step ahead of it this time. Sure enough, that very night it returned. I am lucky, in a way, because I can feel it before it comes on strong. This never proved profitable before, but I was hoping that this time it would save me. I quickly took a little pink pill and waited. within an hour or so, I was feeling good! Not perfect, but I was feeling good. I only felt slightly nauseous and my chest was a little tight, but no searing pain. From that day on I have used those blessed Zantac, and they have never failed me . . .

UNTIL TONIGHT!

That cursed Red Robin burger menu drew me in, and on Thursday afternoon I went and indulged. Bryce and I always share a burger and then you get bottomless fries! GREAT, but not so smart. The fries, for some reason or other, were insanely greasy. I promise that I didn't want to eat those piping hot potatoes fried in heartburn breeding grounds, but I did. STUPID NATALI! I am paying for it tonight. I don't know why, but my heartburn seems to hold off a day until I think I am in the clear and, BAM it hits me. I took my little salvation pill and went to bed confident I would feel better soon. Wrong again. I awoke @ 2 a.m. with a burning chest. Now, I am one of those people who takes exactly the recommened dose and I get so worried if I take more of the medicine that it tells me to. But, this night I broke that conviction. I took another of my little pink wonders. It hurt like the devil for another 2 hours or so, but I am feeling a little bit of relief now that the early hours of dawn are creeping up on me. I still hurt, and have considered taking a third pill, but I hope that this will work itself out here soon. By soon I mean at least by 7 or 8 this morning.

So this post goes out to all of you who have felt "the burn." Oh me oh my, how I hurt for you. I have now made a goal (again) not to eat mindlessly. Any suggestions as to how to beat this addiction to bad food, would be so appreciated. I am serious too, I feel as if I am addicted to food that is bad for me. It can't be good if it causes me this much pain. I suppose that my body is trying to teach me a lesson and is crying out for me to take better care of it. How sad that I continue to stuff my face with unhealthy things. *big sigh* Oh where oh where has my common sense gone. Oh where oh where could it be.

I know I said that I had a happy ending, but I guess I have a semi-happy ending. My heartburn is under control for tonight, thanks to medicine. BUT, I could have a much happier ending if I stop the cycle. Here is my resolution in writing. I, Natali Jolley, am going to live a healthier life. That is a good place to start, don't you think.